pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
