Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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