found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
