i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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