it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
