just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
