i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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