We're facebook friends in real life
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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