i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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