you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize