This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
