a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
