I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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