Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
