I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
