i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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