dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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