I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
