The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
