I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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