I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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