it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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