Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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