Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The air was thick with penises
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
