You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
