Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
