My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize