After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
