3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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