so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
