I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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