I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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