I can't watch pbs sober anymore
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize