Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
