So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
birth control should be required to get into college
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
They have beer where we have blood.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
