and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize