she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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