Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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