um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
