I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
