I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
