if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All I want is dick and wine.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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