I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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