I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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