he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
