You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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