yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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