What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
