Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
