My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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