Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
