i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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