so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
