Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
