good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
