Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
