My room smells like vodka and shame
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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