saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
