I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
