Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Randomize
