I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
