he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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