We named our party play list daddy issues
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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