i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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