Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
