My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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