Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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