I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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