I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
