Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
