I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
