We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
