this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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