If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
