this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
