Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize