it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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