Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
