Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
