walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
