You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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