After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
