Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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