xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
