Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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