I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
