I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
