I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
