I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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