Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i drank out of a bidet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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