I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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