We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
