Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
