someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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