Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Drake has all the answers
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
