He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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