After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
3 2 1 whiskey
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
