i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
