wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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