Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
