I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize