She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
