Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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