So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
