If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
