that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
