oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
