Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
