So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize