This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
