Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Randomize
